Issue # 110 / 7 November 2008 //
On My Street
Roll Tide! Alabama Is Number One!
MY STARS! ALABAMA IS NUMBER ONE in the nation in college football! I am so very happy! Because I was born in Alabama and I love my University of Alabama football. Roll Tide! The AP Poll and the Coaches Poll. Isn’t that great? And we need some good news about Alabama.
Because people say bad things about Alabama, my home state, and it really makes me mad.
People say that Alabama ranks forty-eighth in child health care. And that’s from an Alabama newspaper! My stars!
And people say that Jefferson County, which is where Birmingham is, leads the nation in syphilis rates. Do you believe that?
And people also say that Jefferson County, which is where Birmingham is, like I said, is about to declare bankruptcy because they got all involved with that hedge fund stuff when they tried to raise money to repair the sewer system. My stars! The sewer system! Bankruptcy! That’s what people say.
And something else. People say that Alabama rates forty-eighth again in education for kindergarten through twelfth grade. Isn’t that something? My stars!
Well, this is what I think. I think that if that’s true or—and this is important—if people just believe that about my home state, it’s important that we are number one in football. That’s right. I mean that. I mean, think about how bad people in Alabama must feel if they think that the rest of the country thinks that Alabama doesn't take care of its children. Poor health care for children and bad education. And syphilis, bankruptcy. To have that kind of reputation as a state is just terrible and it’s so depressing for the people of the state.
And that’s why it’s important that Alabama is number one in football. Because it will make people feel better about their home state and forget about all that negative stuff that’s so depressing. See?
Well here’s somebody who makes me feel good. John Parker Wilson. He’s the Crimson Tide quarterback. He is so handsome and so very talented.
And here’s somebody else. Nick Saban. He’s the coach and he’s a Scorpio, that’s his sign. And I just love Scorpios. My two husbands were both Scorpios. Determined and forceful. Emotional and intuitive. Powerful and passionate. Exciting and magnetic. That’s a Scorpio. And that's a great coach, Nick Saban.
And you know that Nick Saban makes more than five million dollars a year? Well, he deserves it. If he can make those boys play great football and win all their games and become number one in the country, he deserves that kind of salary. You know why? So that the people of the state can get involved in following the great University of Alabama football team. And forget all that bad stuff that people are saying about the state about bad education and health care, not taking care of the children, that depressing stuff.
My stars! Number one in football! Roll Tide!
—edited by Britt Leach